Torn
a Songfic

by Talya Firedancer


Well you couldnít be that man I adore

[Close-up of Kuramaís bright green eyes; in their trembling depths is a picture of Hiei, cold, remote, turning away as Kuramaís lips shape the words. His face is a picture of stunned rejection as Hiei flits away.]

You donít seem to know, seem to care what your heart is for

[A montage of shots of Hiei and Kurama; each time the Koorime is distant, closed off. Kurama teases him playfully, Hiei draws away snarling. Kurama tends Hieiís wounds after a fight; Hiei wakes and disappears without a word. Kurama watches Hiei with his heart in his eyes; Hieiís lip curls.]

Well I donít know him anymore

[Kuramaís eyes close over tears, and he watches Hiei leaving. He slides to the ground beside a tree, hugging his knees tightly.]

Thereís nothing where he used to lie

[Kurama, trailing his fingers over the rumpled sheets of an empty bed.]

The conversation has run dry

[Hiei sits stoically, tight-lipped, as Kurama babbles on cheerfully. Finally Kurama shuts up, regarding him with bewildered, hurt eyes. Hiei doesnít even notice.]

Thatís whatís going on - nothingís fine, Iím torn

[Kurama leaps up from his seat beside the tree, and begins to run wildly, stumbling from time to time. There is a desperate, almost crazy look in his eyes.]

Iím all out of faith

[Tears fall in a glittering path as Kurama remembers brushing his fingers over Hieiís cheek, then again relives Hiei turning away from him coldly in rejection.]

This is how I feel

[A red, red rose is between his fingers as he holds it out to Hiei.]

Iím cold and I am chained, lying naked on the floor

[We now see Kurama captive in a bleak dungeon, heavily manacled with a broken look in his eyes.]

Illusion never changed into something real

[All he can see is Hiei. He remembers teasing with Hiei playfully, sees them together in his bedroom. . .each time he left Kurama without a word, and then finally left him for good.]

Wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

[Kurama peers through the grating at the sky above; tears fall from his eyes as he imagines Hieiís face looking back down on him, impassive. Unresponsive.]

Youíre a little late; Iím already torn.

[His eyes squeeze shut and he collapses onto the floor, curling up into a ball.]

So I guess the fortune-tellerís right

[We now see Hiei, growling as heís tugged by a smiling Kurama to a carnival fortune-teller. Hiei watches Kuramaís face fall as the cards give only bad readings.]

Shouldíve seen just what was there, and not some fairy light.

[Kurama stares down at Hieiís sleeping face wistfully. His heart is scrawled across his face. Hiei is regarding Kurama through mostly-closed eyelids, and he rolls over, trying to pretend he didnít see that look.]

To crawl beneath my veins, and now I donít care,

[Hiei watches from the corner of his eye, keeping his face expressionless as Kurama bites his lip, trying to smile valiantly as Hiei leaves once more.]

I have no luck - I donít miss it all that much

[Again in Hieiís eye, the fortune-tellerís hand is played out. We see Hiei charging recklessly into battle, again and again. Hiei throws himself into the path of danger, uncaring. He is hurt again and again. Hiei wakes up each time to Kurama taking care of him.]

Thereís just so many things that I canít touch, Iím torn.

[Hieiís hand lifts trembling to touch sleeping Kuramaís cheek, and draws back quickly.]

Iím all out of faith

[Hiei turns away from Kurama, unable to tell him how he feels. The expression on Kuramaís face twists up his insides, but he keeps walking.]

This is how I feel

[Kurama is regarding Hiei quietly; Hiei has a tear gem clutched in his fingers. He cannot reach out to show this to the fox. Hiei turns away, stuffing the tear gem into his cloak.]

Iím cold and I am chained, lying naked on the floor

[Hiei flashes back onto memories of mocking faces, betrayal after betrayal, lying in a dungeon, abandonment, fear, hunger, pain.]

Illusion never changed into something real

[Hiei turns away from Kurama, clenching the tear gem in his fist. Kuramaís face fades before his eyes as he flits away.]

Wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

[Hiei stands stiffly upright atop a high tree, staring up at the sky. His eyes close, and his expressionless face dissolves into regret and pain.]

Youíre a little late, Iím already torn.

[Hiei sees Kuramaís face behind closed lids, snarls, and disappears.]

Thereís nothing where he used to lie

[Hiei appears outside Kuramaís window. He searches frantically through the apartment. Hiei runs his fingers over the rumpled sheets of the empty futon; he momentarily imagines Kurama between the sheets, smiling up at him. The image fades.]

My inspiration has run dry

[Hiei flits throughout the city. His face is intent, focused. Kurama is nowhere in the city. Hiei continues to search, ending up on Yuusukeís doorstep.]

Thatís whatís going on! Nothingís right, Iím torn.

[Hiei punches his fist into a wall. In Koenmaís office, Botan is looking frightened. Yuusuke and Kuwabara are arguing. Koenma starts to yell, fuukuman jerking in his mouth. Hiei turns back to them, speaking quietly but forcefully. Yuusukeís eyes widen]

Iím all out of faith. . .

[The door to Kuramaís cell scrapes shut; two figures can be seen leaving. The slice of yellow light disappears. Kurama is wrapped around himself, crying.]

This is how I feel

[Kuramaís face crumbles as he holds the red, red rose out to Hiei, who yanks it from his fingers and crushes it in his fist.]

Iím cold and I am chained, lying naked on the floor

[Kuramaís body is lying bruised and battered on the floor; his clothes are in a tattered pile nearby. He pulls himself up, continuing to weep quietly.]

Illusion never changed into something real

[Kurama holds his hand out to an image of Hiei, who dissolves as his fingers touch him. Hieiís face is cold, remote.]

Wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn

[Kurama closes his eyes and slumps to the cold stone floor.]

Iím all out of faith

[Hieiís expression is fierce as he hurls himself into battle. His face is hopeless. Behind him, Yuusuke and Kuwabara are fighting scores of youkai. Hiei blasts away at his opponents, running down the stone stairs.]

This is how I feel

[He stops outside the door of the dungeon cell, groping for the tear gem. His fingers brush over it as he opens the door.]

Iím cold and Iím ashamed, bound and broken on the floor

[Kurama lies motionless on the floor. His body is covered with bruises, whip lashes, horrible cuts. Hieiís face is panicked as he runs toward him. The tear gem slips from his fingers.]

Youíre a little late, Iím already torn.

[Hiei gathers Kuramaís body up in his arms. He blinks, his expression wide-eyed, shocked, disbelieving. Slowly, he begins to rock him back and forth, one hand smoothing over the brilliant red hair. Tears gather at the corner of his eyes, but only one escapes to roll over his cheek and clink to the floor.]

Torn. . .

[Hiei watches, his face a closed mask, as the rest of the team carries Kuramaís body from the dungeon. The bandages on his arm seethe and smoke, and slowly drop to the ground to rest beside the two tear fallen gems.]



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